Tag Archives: humor

2 Days

Today is when the real nerves set in for me, especially on a new series and these two questions go through my head constantly:
Will people read? Will they like it?

The simple answer is always the same: Some people will “get” me and some will not. After publishing more than 40 books, you would think I’d be okay. Truly I am, but I never relax until that first negative review hits. After that, life goes back to writing normal. And yes, the great reviews still matter. I re-read them after reading the bad review and I’m always so thankful that people took the time to share their reading experience and sooth my shattered soul (okay, that’s a little bit of an exaggeration but you get the picture).

The biggest problem I have right now is settling down and getting anything done. For this release I’m trying something new and have a project that’s due in two weeks. It might kill me, but it also might help the restlessness I go through. I’m keeping this project close to my heart so I can’t even whisper it to you. When it’s complete, I’ll spill the beans.

Two days doesn’t seem like a long time. To this writer, it’s a lifetime!

Tomorrow I’ll give a little behind the scenes for Shadow.

Pre-order now!

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07MC1XDXH

Nook: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/shadow-holly-s-roberts/1130073730

Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/shadow-90

Apple Books: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/shadow/id1448840305?mt=11

It’s All About FREE

My bestselling book of all time and USA TODAY bestseller is FREE for a few days and this is your chance to download and save.

Yummy Football Romance

When Killian MacGregor, the hottest quarterback in the NFL, eyes the perfect pair of female legs, he spends an hour tracking the gorgeous woman in a room filled with rowdy teammates until one gets out of line.

Rebecca Cavanaugh, a long distance runner for the state team, intimidates boys and men with her quick wit and majestic height. The pre-season jock party isn’t her scene, but she’s roped into attending to provide her sister a sober ride home.

Hiding in the kitchen to avoid an athletic sex fest, a drunken football player forces Rebecca to her knees, and thrusts his crotch in her face. Before Rebecca can extricate herself from the demeaning situation, an unknown champion saves the night. When Killian assists Rebecca off the floor, she’s stunned into silence while staring at the sexiest man alive.

Will Killian’s bad boy rep and Rebecca’s need for commitment, make this the most impossible “Play” of the season? Or, will Killian’s haunting past and need for victory destroy the most important game of his life?

Available in Kindle Unlimited

Amazon Buy or Explore Now

Becca Longo does it “LIKE A Girl”

If you don’t know Becca’s name, you will. She’s the first female to sign a letter of intent with a Division II level (or higher) college and the first woman to receive a scholarship to play football with the boys.

And guess what? She’s a kicker.

When I wrote GOAL, I gave a message: YOU CAN.

GOAL is about the first female kicker in pro football. People laughed when I said I planned to write a romantic comedy similar to the fun of Jerry Maquire BUT about a female player. And they laughed… right up until GOAL released.

I was unprepared for the number of emails I’ve received from women like Becca (no haven’t heard from her) who wanted to play football and had their dreams crushed because the option wasn’t available to girls. I had my dreams crushed as a young girl too. I was told “the police force is no place for a woman” and “girls aren’t allowed to play football.”

If you think about it, football is the only sport that doesn’t offer an alternative woman’s team for kids. WHY? Or in Becca’s case, WHY NOT? Maybe you haven’t heard of Women’s Football Alliance one of several adult leagues for women who love the sport. I’ll admit I didn’t even know they existed until I was deep into researching Like a Girl. These tough women play tackle football and there are leagues all over the world. What if women learned to play football as kids? Most (close to all) pro athletes don’t start their careers as adults. To learn a sport and play it professionally takes years of practice and hard work.  

The American Football Without Barriers organization  recently sent, Marshawn Lynch, and  Cleveland Browns tight end, Gary Barnidge, to Finland to teach their first all-women’s football camp.

To be fair, I visited the Pop Warner Football website to see if girls were playing. I couldn’t find a statement anywhere saying girls can’t play but I also didn’t see a single picture of a girl in uniform or any statement saying they welcome girls. They offer cheerleading and hey, I’m not knocking it. I was a competitive cheerleader and so were my three daughters. But that doesn’t change that my dream was to play football and I was never given the opportunity.

I want to share some of the emails I received about GOAL and maybe you’ll see that it’s easy to crush dreams. We need to empower women and girls and never tell them there’s anything they can’t do. And yes, that includes playing football like a girl.

Shelly ~ “Thank you for writing GOAL. I always dreamed of being a football player and was crushed when my parents told me girls don’t play for the NFL.”

Lori ~ “My first dream was to play football but I couldn’t so I moved to soccer.”

Laura ~ “I’ve been a lifelong football fan and wanted to play just like Jordan.”

Tammy ~ “I come from a family of five children and I’m the only girl. My brothers all played football and I cried each year when I couldn’t. I never understood. Thank you for writing Goal because I was able to live my dream through Jordan’s eyes.”

Keep those emails coming ladies. I plan to use them in the sequel: GOAL the Second Season

wickedstorytelling@gmail.com

If you have time and a Twitter account, please say congrats to Becca Longo and show your support. You will find her Twitter account here. 

Amazon: http://amzn.to/2mJTlg5

Birthday Blues

No not my birthday, my husband’s.

For six months, he’s older than me and I enjoy every minute of it. We’ve been married since we were 18. When he turned 20 he called me a teenybopper for six months. BIG mistake. This girl never forgets. Here’s a sample of yesterday’s (his actual birthday) conversations.

Me: You look good for your age.

DH: Thanks, that helps.

~~~~

Me: You don’t look a day over 56.

DH: That’s because I’m not a day over 56.

~~~~

Me: Do you feel old?

DH: Yes, so stop asking.

~~~~

Me: I don’t think you heard my question a minute ago, your hearing must be going.

DH: What?

~~~~

Me: Walmart has a sale on geriatric vitamins.

DH: You’re not making this any easier.

~~~~

Me: You know what they say… Age is a matter of mind. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

DH: A 20 year old wrote that.

~~~~

Me: Thank God I love older men.

DH: That’s supposed to make me feel better?

~~~~

Me: I promise I’ll love you when you’re old and gray.

DH: I’m already old and gray.

Me: See. I keep my promises.

~~~~

Happy Birthday to the sexiest old man I know!

Release Day: Street Justice

It’s one of my favorite days of the year! Street Justice is live in the Cuffed & Claimed Box Set. The early reviews are awesome and the common denominator is laughter. Daisy the Shepadoodle is taking the show. I promise intrigue, blushingly hot interaction between the main characters, and an unforgettable dog to steal your heart. All 10 books in the set for 99 cents!

hr-ereader-and-print

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LB8FUYA

AmazonUK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01LB8FUYA

Amazon CA: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B01LB8FUYA

Amazon AU: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B01LB8FUYA

Nook: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1124508515

Kobo: https://store.kobobooks.com/en-us/ebook/cuffed-claimed-box-set

iBooks: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/cuffed-claimed-box-set/id1135195385

 

When Fictional Events Come True

I love writing, imagining story-lines, and taking readers on a mini vacation. Some of the events in my books are based off life experiences and some are 100% imagination. I’m always quite proud of the made up stuff but sometimes I wonder if readers will call me on it and say, “Not gonna happen, too unreal.”

In my book “Kick” (a hot and delicious rugby book) I have a scene where my heroine enters a tavern and asks what types of red wine they have available. The waitress laughs and tells her they have one bottle of red. My heroine asks for a glass and it’s the nastiest wine she’s ever had.

Haha, right?

Last week, my husband and I took a day trip to visit some small mountain communities we’ve wanted to check out for some time. We had lunch at a steakhouse and enjoyed excellent food. An hour after we left, we were in another small town nearby and saw an old western bar with about fifteen cars in the parking lot. They were kicking butt for a Wednesday afternoon.

We decided to check the place out. It was awesome and had a large wooden bar that had exactly two side by side stools available. The place was dark but had lots of character. They had some great signs on the walls and I found myself laughing as I read most of them.

My husband ordered a beer and I ask what type of red wine they had available. All talk in the bar ceased. Every eye turned my way. The bartender walked over to the cash register and grabbed one bottle of wine sitting almost behind the register, wiped the dust off and placed it in front of me.

“This is all the wine we got. You wanna glass?” he asked.

I recognized the brand, I’d passed it in the grocery store plenty of times. It costs about $3.99 a bottle. With everyone watching me, I had to wo-man up.

“Sure,” I said.

The bar tender proceeded to fill my glass to the brim.

“Um, thank you, that’s more wine than I usually get.” (sarcastic understatement)

He nods, turns his back and the guy beside my husband leans in and says, “This ain’t no fancy steakhouse.”

I drank every drop, forced myself not to vomit, and tripped as I walk out the door because I had a glass of wine at lunch and the four additional glasses (combined into one) took me over my limit.

My husband laughed the entire way home. He also said I was the sexiest woman in the joint. Even being the only woman, I took this as a compliment.

If you remember this happening in “Kick” I’m excited to announce the sequel which is about bad boy Van Stelson. So many of you hated him and I had a great time giving him a woman who can out-drink him. “Ruck” will be available November 17th as part of the Mischief Under the Mistletoe Anthology. It’s available in the collection for only a limited time at 99 cents so you want to order your copy soon.

Pre-order now

Nook: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/mischief-under-the-mistletoe-kristin-miller/1122559499?ean=2940152232103

iBooks: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/mischief-under-the-mistletoe/id1032562884?mt=11

Kobo: https://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/mischief-under-the-mistletoe

Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0147H31BG

 

For the Love of Jack Miller

I write steamy romance and from time to time expect the crazies to come out of the woodwork. Many women on social media who don’t write romance also attract the odd personalities. We’ve come to expect it which is truly sad. Most of these I can handle and they’re completely harmless. Some, I file away in my “If I ever go missing folder.” Yes, the retired detective in me thinks every woman should keep track of some of the not so nice ones for safety sake.

But sometimes… just sometimes… it’s so hard to resist. Here’s a recent private message I received on social media copied and pasted in its entirety without edits which about killed me.

jack miller

JACK MILLER 3 days ago

Hello Dear,How are you doing today? i will be glad if you consider this words of mine with passion and love,I saw your name and i get fascinated with it. I’m General Jack Miller, I live in London City in England. I’m a British Army and I’m working under United Nation.I am now in Pakistan waging war against terrorism and maintaining peace to humanity. I’m seeking for an honest and sincere woman for a meaningful relationship which will lead to marriage a woman whom i will call my wife. A good, and a caring woman. A woman that will take care of my son and Home for good and for better. This is my mail box: jack.miller1234@yahoo.com Send me a mail so that i will send you more of my pictures and tell you more about myself. Take good care of yourself and have a wonderful day. I hope to hear from you soon. Thanks. Jack Miller

Okay Jack, lets break it down. Your punctuation, grammar, and verbiage are not English. Of course neither is mine. I’m American and suck at the King’s proper English. So do you Jack from London! I find it intriguing that you are fascinated with my name. Which one? I have four and even for me it gets confusing.

Next; you’re a British Army. I know they have more than one soldier but as a General you must think quite highly of yourself and consider yourself their army of one.

I also see you work under the United Nation in Pakistan waging war against terrorism. You sure are stuck on that number “one, as in nation” and I’m sure humanity strongly needs your super human power of one to defeat terrorism. Please take care of Isis first, they’re in your neck of the woods and shouldn’t be too hard to find.

Now please don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t dare call you dishonest, but really… an honest and sincere woman for a meaningful relationship which will lead to marriage so I may call you wife??? I have been called many names in my life but in this case I think wife might not have the same meaning I’ve become accustomed to. In your context it signifies possession. Maybe you need to watch the Exorcist. You kind of remind me of that evil demon who possessed that little girl but alas, that was fiction.

“A woman to take care of your son and home for good and for better.” Is this in the context of, “For better or for worse?” I have a feeling that caring for your son who most likely takes after his father, and also caring for your home, go into the “worse” category. But, that’s just me.

Just so you know Jack, I’m a fifty-three year old married, grandmother of ten and a retired police detective. During my law enforcement years I trained, and became certified as a Terrorist Liaison Officer. Boy could I have had a field day with your proposal if I had time to waste back then.

In short… I must decline your sincere offer. My husband is aware I’ve written a few ménage books but two men just isn’t his thing. I told him you were good looking in your picture and it still didn’t change his mind. I’ll dream of you though. I’m really good with a Glock, holy water, and sarcasm. Peace Jack Miller, I hope you find the perfect robot, and no, you can’t have my Roomba.